Monday, April 29, 2013
I wanted to write a long thoughtful post about this, but I just don't have the time. Long story short... I seem to not be scared of Banana anymore. Could it return? Absolutely. But right now, after a good ride on her on Saturday and a fabulous ride at the show yesterday (four blues that we didn't need to beat anyone to get) I'm feeling perfectly fine on her. And, with help of friends with a stock trailer, she's now home at my place. She's less than thrilled with spending most of her time in the corral as I get her acclimated to the grass, but otherwise she's good. And I'm good. So life is good.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Friday, April 26, 2013
It's all me
The problem with Banana? It's really all me.
There is no need for me to be scared of my horse. And yes, I'm now scared of her. I don't know why. She was absolutely wonderful when the Taskmaster double lunged her yesterday. She is shockingly not sore from the trailer debacle. After she was done I walked around the arena with her so she'd roll and she was too busy walking with her nose pressed against my knee to roll. She does love me. Afterwards I took her to the Taskmaster's trailer, a three horse slant. She walked right on and backed off slowly. We did it again and again and again. She was fine and not at all concerned. I didn't try to close her in though. I was fine: not nervous, not scared, decided I'd ride her on Saturday and maybe do walk-trot at the show there on Sunday.
Then last night I filled out my entry. And my stomach just started to roil. And I started to freak. Today it's still happening. I'm riding other horses just fine, I rode Meatball yesterday and my new buddy Cappy (more on him later) today with no problems. Just the thought of Banana throws me into gastric and mental distress.
And here's the thing: she's really done nothing to bring about this amount of anxiety on my part. Yes, she's quick. But she's not bad, she's not naughty. She does do things because she's green, but not horrid things. Meatball can buck and Bean can spook and I don't get scared. All Banana does is go fast and I'm freaking out?
If you're thinking I need professional help you're right. Fortunately, I already have an appointment with my therapist scheduled in a few weeks. She's gotten me through horse fear before, I started seeing her after the concussion from the Bay Bolter and was having a horrible time functioning with my changed brain. She will probably say what she said then, "You know, you don't have to ride."
Right now... the thought of not riding is not devestating. My body hurts. It's probably just a flare up, as happens on occasion, or something new is starting. When I was competing with Penny everything was about having me able to ride. I don't feel that drive now. My guess is being at odds without a horsie partner. Bean tolerates what I make her do, Meatball would be just plain scary at an event, Penny is retired, and I've been over Banana. Cappy might be an option, and I enjoy him, but we're probably not going to be competing past pre-comp.
There is no need for me to be scared of my horse. And yes, I'm now scared of her. I don't know why. She was absolutely wonderful when the Taskmaster double lunged her yesterday. She is shockingly not sore from the trailer debacle. After she was done I walked around the arena with her so she'd roll and she was too busy walking with her nose pressed against my knee to roll. She does love me. Afterwards I took her to the Taskmaster's trailer, a three horse slant. She walked right on and backed off slowly. We did it again and again and again. She was fine and not at all concerned. I didn't try to close her in though. I was fine: not nervous, not scared, decided I'd ride her on Saturday and maybe do walk-trot at the show there on Sunday.
Then last night I filled out my entry. And my stomach just started to roil. And I started to freak. Today it's still happening. I'm riding other horses just fine, I rode Meatball yesterday and my new buddy Cappy (more on him later) today with no problems. Just the thought of Banana throws me into gastric and mental distress.
And here's the thing: she's really done nothing to bring about this amount of anxiety on my part. Yes, she's quick. But she's not bad, she's not naughty. She does do things because she's green, but not horrid things. Meatball can buck and Bean can spook and I don't get scared. All Banana does is go fast and I'm freaking out?
If you're thinking I need professional help you're right. Fortunately, I already have an appointment with my therapist scheduled in a few weeks. She's gotten me through horse fear before, I started seeing her after the concussion from the Bay Bolter and was having a horrible time functioning with my changed brain. She will probably say what she said then, "You know, you don't have to ride."
Right now... the thought of not riding is not devestating. My body hurts. It's probably just a flare up, as happens on occasion, or something new is starting. When I was competing with Penny everything was about having me able to ride. I don't feel that drive now. My guess is being at odds without a horsie partner. Bean tolerates what I make her do, Meatball would be just plain scary at an event, Penny is retired, and I've been over Banana. Cappy might be an option, and I enjoy him, but we're probably not going to be competing past pre-comp.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Secretary Fun
I have to share this e-mail I just sent out to our local D&CTA:
Are you tardy with your entry?
Just realized you haven't mailed your entry for our show this Sunday? If you send me an e-mail and pop it in the mail tomorrow you don't have to pay the late fee. Otherwise, the club gets $10 of your dollars for your poor secretary's pain and suffering. The club does need the money, so maybe I should be encouraging lateness, but I'm not a huge fan of pain and suffering. Especially when it's mine.
And remember! Entries for the May 12th show are due May 3rd, which is just over a week away. Unlike Hunter/Jumper shows late entries for dressage really screw up the planning. There's hand wringing and hair pulling involved. Stop secretary stress! Get your entries in on time.
Pam
(Okay, I was joking about the pain and suffering. And the hand wringing. The hair pulling is real.)
I have gotten more responses to it than any e-mail I've sent out before. Mental note: make all e-mails to the club amusing.
Are you tardy with your entry?
Just realized you haven't mailed your entry for our show this Sunday? If you send me an e-mail and pop it in the mail tomorrow you don't have to pay the late fee. Otherwise, the club gets $10 of your dollars for your poor secretary's pain and suffering. The club does need the money, so maybe I should be encouraging lateness, but I'm not a huge fan of pain and suffering. Especially when it's mine.
And remember! Entries for the May 12th show are due May 3rd, which is just over a week away. Unlike Hunter/Jumper shows late entries for dressage really screw up the planning. There's hand wringing and hair pulling involved. Stop secretary stress! Get your entries in on time.
Pam
(Okay, I was joking about the pain and suffering. And the hand wringing. The hair pulling is real.)
I have gotten more responses to it than any e-mail I've sent out before. Mental note: make all e-mails to the club amusing.
Monday, April 22, 2013
jumping chute
Last Thursday, before the horrid trailer experience, we'd set up a jumping chute. These pictures are not helping me.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Friday, April 19, 2013
Banana Dilemmas
I am having some big dilemmas regarding Banana.
She's a nice horse with lovely gaits. For the most part she has good ground manners. I do like her quite a bit. She has a lot of potential.
She's also very forward under saddle and I'm not comfortable with her speed. She's not naughty, but she has so much freaking energy. She spends a lot of time pacing her corral, in theory because of all that energy. I had to put shoes on her so she'd stop wearing her feet off.
We're having to retrain her from being a western horse and she wants her nose down so badly, which means she's pulling on my arms. My arms cannot deal with being pulled on. I had been led to believe this issue would be resolved faster than it is.
I discovered yesterday her trailering problem is pretty huge. We loaded her in my friend's 2 horse straight load (and it's a nice trailer, not scary.) We got the butt bar up and she lost it. She started scrambling and slipped, her rear going under the butt bar. She then continued scrambling, backing up under the butt bar until she was free. She scraped hair off her back and I'm sure she's sore today. the other horse in the trailer is fine, thank goodness. She did bend the pole that holds the divider and the chest bars, I think from her pressure on the divider between the two horses. So, I get to pay for repairs to my friend's trailer too. So incredibly glad it wasn't structural.
With all of this... I think I'm going to sell her. I'm going to have to work on her trailering problem (the Taskmaster thinks it's fixable) but I'm not sure I'll ever be comfortable on her speed unless I put a crap load of money into training. But, she has so much potential!
The thing with horses with "potential" is that they need time and I'm not sure I want to put it in. I absolutely don't have the skills to do it on my own and I'm tethered to the Taskmaster because of it. If I liked riding her as is I'd totally put the time in, but I don't like riding her right now. Why am I putting time and training into a horse I might never be comfortable on? The reason is my husband is not likely to let me spend the money on something trained how I like it. But, when all is said and done I'll have spent more on training Banana than buying a new horse.
She's a nice horse with lovely gaits. For the most part she has good ground manners. I do like her quite a bit. She has a lot of potential.
She's also very forward under saddle and I'm not comfortable with her speed. She's not naughty, but she has so much freaking energy. She spends a lot of time pacing her corral, in theory because of all that energy. I had to put shoes on her so she'd stop wearing her feet off.
We're having to retrain her from being a western horse and she wants her nose down so badly, which means she's pulling on my arms. My arms cannot deal with being pulled on. I had been led to believe this issue would be resolved faster than it is.
I discovered yesterday her trailering problem is pretty huge. We loaded her in my friend's 2 horse straight load (and it's a nice trailer, not scary.) We got the butt bar up and she lost it. She started scrambling and slipped, her rear going under the butt bar. She then continued scrambling, backing up under the butt bar until she was free. She scraped hair off her back and I'm sure she's sore today. the other horse in the trailer is fine, thank goodness. She did bend the pole that holds the divider and the chest bars, I think from her pressure on the divider between the two horses. So, I get to pay for repairs to my friend's trailer too. So incredibly glad it wasn't structural.
With all of this... I think I'm going to sell her. I'm going to have to work on her trailering problem (the Taskmaster thinks it's fixable) but I'm not sure I'll ever be comfortable on her speed unless I put a crap load of money into training. But, she has so much potential!
The thing with horses with "potential" is that they need time and I'm not sure I want to put it in. I absolutely don't have the skills to do it on my own and I'm tethered to the Taskmaster because of it. If I liked riding her as is I'd totally put the time in, but I don't like riding her right now. Why am I putting time and training into a horse I might never be comfortable on? The reason is my husband is not likely to let me spend the money on something trained how I like it. But, when all is said and done I'll have spent more on training Banana than buying a new horse.
Eh
St Johns was okay. Bean and I were 4th of 6. So, not last. It wasn't the most enjoyable weekend for me, though I felt better when I figured out why. Bean is just not fun to event. So, I've decided I'm done competing her, though I may still do some local shows.
My event write up on Eventing Nation
I think I'm going to have to start wearing a hair net on XC. I hate my scragglies.
My event write up on Eventing Nation
I think I'm going to have to start wearing a hair net on XC. I hate my scragglies.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Why do I feel the urge to vomit?
Oh look. The nerves are here. Could it possibly be due to the fact that we'll be in sunny St Johns in less than 24 hours? Oh yeah, that's why.
I'm packed more efficiently than ever before, so kudos to me. No doubt this means I've forgotten something.
I'm packed more efficiently than ever before, so kudos to me. No doubt this means I've forgotten something.
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