A Note About This Blog

I used to be a writer. Unpublished, but a writer just the same. I have several 100,000 word novels sitting on my hard drive. Then I fell off a horse and got a concussion that scrambled my brains really good (yes, I was wearing a helmet.) After that forming a written sentence was very difficult for quite some time. It's still difficult, but at least now generally the sentence structure isn't egregiously flawed. Verbally and written wrong words pop in, I switch words around, and sometimes I make no sense at all. It isn't because I don't have knowledge of grammar and punctuation, but my brain simply can't do it sometimes. Reading this blog you're accepting that there's going to be things that look like typos or make no sense. It's not because I don't proofread, it's because my damaged brain doesn't see what's wrong. I try my best, but things will slip through. I don't need them pointed out, I know they're there, but if I continued to worry about them I wouldn't write at all. I didn't for quite some time. It's painful as a past master of words to use them so badly, but fortunately the words don't seem to mind.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Not ready yet

I love Pony Toes dearly, but she's clearly going downhill mentally. I wish I had just put her down with Condor. Actually, I don't. I wish my pony was healthy and had a long life ahead of her, but she doesn't. The reason I didn't is because I can't leave Banana alone, she will lose it and I couldn't think of a fast replacement. I totally forgot I could borrow Sonny. I think it was selective memory as no matter how degenerative she is I still won't be ready to say goodbye.

So now I probably get to pay for a second hole in the near future. She's barely touchable these days and oh so incredibly fat because I can't get her muzzle on, or if I get it on I can't get it off. Right now I really need to send Banana out for more training, which will leave Penny alone. She's been just fine alone in the past, but with her current mental frame I don't think she will be. I had the chiropractor out last week (she hasn't seen her in a good 9 months) and she feels that Penny isn't happy and is a completely different pony than she used to be and not in a good way. I completely agree with that.

I am a firm believer that it's better to let them go sooner as opposed to later. The longer I drag it out the more opportunity there is for her to get worse. I suspect there will be a time when I won't be able to touch her at all and the vet will have to shoot tranquilizer at her with a blow gun (okay, that's not what she does, as I asked her) so we can get the deed done. But I can't help wanting to delay what is going to be very painful for me as long as I can. But, it's going to be equally painful whenever I do it, and generally I find the aftermath easier than the anticipating.
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